I am leaving for China in the morning. I am leaving for China in the morning. I am leaving for China in the morning.
I am still trying to get this to sink in. I mean, sure, the bags are all packed, the house is clean, our paperwork is in order, our tickets are bought, our passports are ready to go, but it still does not seem real. We have been working towards this for over three years now. It has always been one step to get to the next to get to the next and so on. For the grand finale to finally be here? Well, it is just hard to fathom. I have imagined and longed for these next few weeks for so long. Can it finally be time?
The past few weeks have been busy ones. There is so much to do to not only go to China but to be gone from home. Not only did we have to try to pack everything we might need for ourselves and for our daughter that we have yet to meet in a very limited amount of space (let me just tell you that the girl scout in me who's motto when it comes to packing is 'better safe than sorry' really struggled to figure out how to do that!) but there were so many things to get in place to be away from our other two kiddos and home, as well. Arrangements to be made, supplies to be bought, the kids things packed, phone numbers to be written down, etc etc etc.
Thankfully, my mom passed down some pretty sweet list making skills. ;) She would have been proud of the insane amount of sticky note lists I had all over the place. I had the to do list broken down into days so that I wasn't overwhelmed and had just enough time to get everything done while still mostly having evenings to enjoy family time. At this very moment, everything has been checked off of every list except for the few things that need to be done in the morning!
The closer the time has come, the more a peace has settled over my heart. I am ready. I have no idea what lays ahead, but I am ready to find out. There are so many questions pinging around in my head and heart, ("Will she like us? Will we adjust well? Will travel go smoothly? Will any of us get sick? Will our other two do ok? Will I survive the 14 hours flights?") but they are not overshadowing the sense of peace I have. It is time. We are ready to become a family of five however that transition may end up looking. We are praying like crazy for everything to go smoothly. Praying that Ellie somehow knows that we are her family and that she is safe. Praying that N and M have peace and comfort while they are away from mommy and daddy for far longer than they ever have been. Praying for good flights and no delays. Praying for God to go before us and with us. Praying for so many things. Hoping you will pray with us and for us!
I am going to try to keep you all up to date as much as I can while we are there. You all have supported us along the way and we are eager to share in the joy and journey! Our flight leaves GR tomorrow at 9:41. Let the adventure begin!!! :)
Now, what am I forgetting...?
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Our Itinerary!
I am sure you are all dying to know what we will be doing every moment for the two weeks while we are in China. ;) Well maybe not every moment but here is a basic run down of our time there. Hopefully, it will help you know how to more specifically pray for us during that time. We are certainly going to need plenty of prayers. Based on the amount of spiritual warfare we have been experiencing the past two weeks, we know God is up to some big things in our family. (Don't get too freaked out about that. It might seem strange or cooky to some but I assure you that if you believe in the power of God, you should very much believe in the resistance of the one who made himself God's enemy. And because we are God's beloved, that makes us a perfect target for satan.) Just as God takes us who Are Not and makes us into his adopted children through salvation through Jesus, we are about to make a little one who belongs to no one our very own. Just as the Lord promises us a hope and a future as His children, we are part of the redeeming story of a little girl in China who had lost all hope of a future. We are about to step on holy ground and experience a taste of what God has done for us and for that, we covet your prayers of protection and blessing and grace!
December 22, 2013 – Train to Province. Your guide will have your train tickets and take you to the train station. Afternoon express train to Taiyuan. (leave:11:32am, arrive Taiyuan 2:17pm.
Also inGuangzhou you will be able to do a lot
of shopping in the Sha
Mian Island
So here is what our two weeks are going to look like:
December 19- Flight leaves from Grand Rapids at 9:41 am. Fly to Chicago and then a direct flight to Beijing.
December 20, 2013 - Arrive in Beijing. Follow the
crowd to the immigration area for a passport check. Then go downstairs to
your luggage claim area (as you go down the escalator, you will see a digital
screen in front of you giving the # of your flights luggage claim area).
Get a luggage cart, free of charge and load your luggage. Then go to the
exit gate. Your guide will be there to meet you with your name.
Hotel check in.
December 21, 2013 - Sightseeing in
Beijing, which may include Tiananmen Square, Forbidden City (front gate) and
the Great Wall.
December 22, 2013 – Train to Province. Your guide will have your train tickets and take you to the train station. Afternoon express train to Taiyuan. (leave:11:32am, arrive Taiyuan 2:17pm.
Your
local guide will meet you on the railway platform with your name. On your way
to the hotel, your guide will inform you as to when you will see your child. It
may be that same evening or the following morning!!!
December 23-27, 2013 - Processing
paperwork in Taiyuan. Your guide will arrange your daily
itinerary while in this city. Simply follow their instructions regarding
the civil affairs appointment, notary office and checking your adoption
paperwork. Your guide is an expert in processing these adoption documents
so you can trust them completely. NOTE: Please carefully proofread your adoption documents
from the civil affairs. A tiny mistake (wrong spelling of child's name,
wrong birth date or even zip code) will delay your process and incur more
expense, extra stay in hotel, missed flights and rescheduling of your Embassy
appointment. So take the paperwork seriously!
December 27, 2013 - Flight to Guangzhou. Your guide will have your flight info and take you to the airport to
fly to Guangzhou. Get a cart and your luggage before moving to the gate.
Your guide, Judy, or her associate, will meet you
there with your name. Your child will need to have her medical exam done
in Guangzhou
Also in
December 28, 2013 – Medical exam today.
December 29, 2013 - Guangzhou city tour.
December 30, 2013 – Your appointment with the U.S. Embassy in Guangzhou is
today at 8:30am. You do not have to appear at
this appointment. Our guide will carry in all your papers at the time of
the appointment.
December 31, 2013 - Pick up your child’s visa to enter the United
States.
January 1, 2014 - Your guide will
take you to the airport for your flight to Beijing in the afternoon.
When you get to Beijing Airport, simply go to Gate 5 for your
hotel shuttle bus.
Beijing Hilton Capital Airport Hotel.
January 2, 2014- Flight from Beijing to Chicago and then Chicago to GR arriving a little after 9 pm.
Ellie becomes the newest little citizen of the United States as soon as she sets foot in Chicago to be followed by becoming the newest little Michigander as we land in GR. :)
I can't believe that we will be meeting our daughter in just over a week!!!!!!
How to love and support us once we get home :)
I have posted a link to this before but now is a great time to post it again. :) This is part of a blog from one of my favorite bloggers, Jen Hatmaker. So many people want to know what to expect and how to help when we get home so this is great.
"Supporting Families After the Airport
You went to the airport. The baby came down the escalator to cheers and balloons. The long adoption journey is over and your friends are home with their new baby / toddler / twins / siblings / teenager. Everyone is happy. Maybe Fox News even came out and filmed the big moment and “your friend” babbled like an idiot and didn’t say one constructive word about adoption and also she looked really sweaty during her interview. (Really? That happened to me too. Weird.)
How can you help? By not saying or doing these things:
1. I mean this nicely, but don’t come over for awhile. Most of us are going to hole up in our homes with our little tribe and attempt to create a stable routine without a lot of moving parts. This is not because we hate you; it’s because we are trying to establish the concept of “home” with our newbies, and lots of strangers coming and going makes them super nervous and unsure, especially strangers who are talking crazy language to them and trying to touch their hair.
2. Please do not touch, hug, kiss, or use physical affection with our kids for a few months. We absolutely know your intentions are good, but attachment is super tricky with abandoned kids, and they have had many caregivers, so when multiple adults (including extended family) continue to touch and hold them in their new environment, they become confused about who to bond with. This actually delays healthy attachment egregiously. It also teaches them that any adult or stranger can touch them without their permission, and believe me, many adoptive families are working HARD to undo the damage already done by this position. Thank you so much for respecting these physical boundaries.
3. For the next few months, do not assume the transition is easy. For 95% of us, it so is not. And this isn’t because our family is dysfunctional or our kids are lemons, but because this phase is so very hard on everyone. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to constantly hear: “You must be so happy!” and “Is life just so awesome now that they’re here??” and “Your family seems just perfect now!” I wanted that to be true so deeply, but I had no idea how to tell you that our home was actually a Trauma Center. (I did this in a passive aggressive way by writing this blog, which was more like “An Open Letter to Everyone Who Knows Us and Keeps Asking Us How Happy We Are.”) Starting with the right posture with your friends – this is hard right now – will totally help you become a safe friend to confide in / break down in front of / draw strength from.
4. Do not act shocked if we tell you how hard the early stages are. Do not assume adoption was a mistake. Do not worry we have ruined our lives. Do not talk behind our backs about how terribly we’re doing and how you’re worried that we are suicidal. Do not ask thinly veiled questions implying that we are obviously doing something very, very wrong. Do not say things like, “I was so afraid it was going to be like this” or “Our other friends didn’t seem to have these issues at all.” Just let us struggle. Be our friends in the mess of it. We’ll get better.
5. If we’ve adopted older kids, please do not ask them if they “love America so much” or are “so happy to live in Texas.” It’s this simple: adoption is born from horrible loss. In an ideal world, there would be no adoption, because our children would be with their birth families, the way God intended. I’ll not win any points here, but I bristle when people say, “Our adopted child was chosen for us by God before the beginning of time.” No he wasn’t. He was destined for his birth family. God did not create these kids to belong to us. He didn’t decide that they should be born into poverty or disease or abandonment or abuse and despair aaaaaaaall so they could finally make it into our homes, where God intended them to be. No. We are a very distant Plan B. Children are meant for their birth families, same as my biological kids were meant for mine. Adoption is one possible answer to a very real tragedy… after it has already happened, not before as the impetus for abandonment. There is genuine grief and sorrow when your biological family is disrupted by death and poverty, and our kids have endured all this and more. So when you ask my 8-year-old if he is thrilled to be in Texas, please understand that he is not. He misses his country, his language, his food, his family. Our kids came to us in the throes of grief, as well they should. Please don’t make them smile and lie to you about how happy they are to be here.
6. Please do not disappear. If I thought the waiting stage was hard, it does not even hold the barest candle to what comes after the airport. Not. The. Barest. Candle. Never have I felt so isolated and petrified. Never have I been so overwhelmed and exhausted. We need you after the airport way more than we ever needed you before. I know you’re scared of us, what with our dirty hair and wild eyes and mystery children we’re keeping behind closed doors so they don’t freak out more than they already have, but please find ways to stick around. Call. Email. Check in. Post on our Facebook walls. Send us funny cards. Keep this behavior up for longer than six days.
Here’s what we would love to hear or experience After the Airport:
1. Cook for your friends. Put together a meal calendar and recruit every person who even remotely cares about them. We didn’t cook dinners for one solid month, and folks, that may have single handedly saved my sanity. There simply are not words to describe how exhausting and overwhelming those first few weeks are, not to mention the lovely jetlag everyone came home with. And if your friends adopted domestically right up the street, this is all still true, minus the jetlag.
2. If we have them, offer to take our biological kids for an adventure or sleepover. Please believe me: their lives just got WHACKED OUT, and they need a break, but their parents can’t give them one because they are 1.) cleaning up pee and poop all day, 2.) holding screaming children, 3.) spending all their time at doctors’ offices, and 4.) falling asleep in their clothes at 8:15pm. Plus, they are in lockdown mode with the recently adopted, trying to shield them from the trauma that is Walmart.
3. Thank you for getting excited with us over our little victories. I realize it sounds like a very small deal when we tell you our kindergartener is now staying in the same room as the dog, but if you could’ve seen the epic level of freakoutedness this dog caused her for three weeks, you would understand that this is really something. When you encourage us over our incremental progress, it helps. You remind us that we ARE moving forward and these little moments are worth celebrating. If we come to you spazzing out, please remind us where we were a month ago. Force us to acknowledge their gains. Be a cheerleader for the healing process.
4. Come over one night after our kids are asleep and sit with us on our porch. Let me tell you: we are all lonely in those early weeks. We are home, home, home, home, home. Good-bye, date nights. Good-bye, GNO’s. Good-bye, spontaneous anything. Good-bye, church. Good-bye, big public outings. Good-bye, community group. Good-bye, nightlife. So please bring some community to our doorstep. Bring friendship back into our lives. Bring adult conversation and laughter. And bring an expensive bottle of wine.
5. If the shoe fits, tell adopting families how their story is affecting yours. If God has moved in you over the course of our adoption, whether before the airport or after, if you’ve made a change or a decision, if somewhere deep inside a fire was lit, tell us, because it is spiritual water on dry souls. There is nothing more encouraging than finding out God is using our families for greater kingdom work, beautiful things we would never know or see. We gather the holy moments in our hands every day, praying for eyes to see God’s presence, his purposes realized in our story. When you put more holy moments in our hands to meditate on, we are drawn deeper into the Jesus who led us here.
Here’s one last thing: As you watch us struggle and celebrate and cry and flail, we also want you to know that adoption is beautiful, and a thousand times we’ve looked at each other and said, “What if we would’ve said no?” God invited us into something monumental and lovely, and we would’ve missed endless moments of glory had we walked away. We need you during these difficult months of waiting and transitioning, but we also hope you see that we serve a faithful God who heals and actually sets the lonely in families, just like He said He would. And even through the tears and tantrums (ours), we look at our children and marvel that God counted us worthy to raise them. We are humbled. We’ve been gifted with a very holy task, and when you help us rise to the occasion, you have an inheritance in their story; your name will be counted in their legacy.
Because that day you brought us pulled pork tacos was the exact day I needed to skip dinner prep and hold my son on the couch for an hour, talking about Africa and beginning to bind up his emotional wounds. When you kidnapped me for two hours and took me to breakfast, I was at the very, very, absolute end that morning, but I came home renewed, able to greet my children after school with fresh love and patience. When you loved on my big kids and offered them sanctuary for a night, you kept the family rhythm in sync at the end of a hard week.
Thank you for being the village. You are so important. "
So thankful for all the love and support you all have given and continue to give and so thankful that we know we have so many hearts and arms ready to wrap around us when our sweet girl gets home!
"Supporting Families After the Airport
You went to the airport. The baby came down the escalator to cheers and balloons. The long adoption journey is over and your friends are home with their new baby / toddler / twins / siblings / teenager. Everyone is happy. Maybe Fox News even came out and filmed the big moment and “your friend” babbled like an idiot and didn’t say one constructive word about adoption and also she looked really sweaty during her interview. (Really? That happened to me too. Weird.)
How can you help? By not saying or doing these things:
1. I mean this nicely, but don’t come over for awhile. Most of us are going to hole up in our homes with our little tribe and attempt to create a stable routine without a lot of moving parts. This is not because we hate you; it’s because we are trying to establish the concept of “home” with our newbies, and lots of strangers coming and going makes them super nervous and unsure, especially strangers who are talking crazy language to them and trying to touch their hair.
2. Please do not touch, hug, kiss, or use physical affection with our kids for a few months. We absolutely know your intentions are good, but attachment is super tricky with abandoned kids, and they have had many caregivers, so when multiple adults (including extended family) continue to touch and hold them in their new environment, they become confused about who to bond with. This actually delays healthy attachment egregiously. It also teaches them that any adult or stranger can touch them without their permission, and believe me, many adoptive families are working HARD to undo the damage already done by this position. Thank you so much for respecting these physical boundaries.
3. For the next few months, do not assume the transition is easy. For 95% of us, it so is not. And this isn’t because our family is dysfunctional or our kids are lemons, but because this phase is so very hard on everyone. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to constantly hear: “You must be so happy!” and “Is life just so awesome now that they’re here??” and “Your family seems just perfect now!” I wanted that to be true so deeply, but I had no idea how to tell you that our home was actually a Trauma Center. (I did this in a passive aggressive way by writing this blog, which was more like “An Open Letter to Everyone Who Knows Us and Keeps Asking Us How Happy We Are.”) Starting with the right posture with your friends – this is hard right now – will totally help you become a safe friend to confide in / break down in front of / draw strength from.
4. Do not act shocked if we tell you how hard the early stages are. Do not assume adoption was a mistake. Do not worry we have ruined our lives. Do not talk behind our backs about how terribly we’re doing and how you’re worried that we are suicidal. Do not ask thinly veiled questions implying that we are obviously doing something very, very wrong. Do not say things like, “I was so afraid it was going to be like this” or “Our other friends didn’t seem to have these issues at all.” Just let us struggle. Be our friends in the mess of it. We’ll get better.
5. If we’ve adopted older kids, please do not ask them if they “love America so much” or are “so happy to live in Texas.” It’s this simple: adoption is born from horrible loss. In an ideal world, there would be no adoption, because our children would be with their birth families, the way God intended. I’ll not win any points here, but I bristle when people say, “Our adopted child was chosen for us by God before the beginning of time.” No he wasn’t. He was destined for his birth family. God did not create these kids to belong to us. He didn’t decide that they should be born into poverty or disease or abandonment or abuse and despair aaaaaaaall so they could finally make it into our homes, where God intended them to be. No. We are a very distant Plan B. Children are meant for their birth families, same as my biological kids were meant for mine. Adoption is one possible answer to a very real tragedy… after it has already happened, not before as the impetus for abandonment. There is genuine grief and sorrow when your biological family is disrupted by death and poverty, and our kids have endured all this and more. So when you ask my 8-year-old if he is thrilled to be in Texas, please understand that he is not. He misses his country, his language, his food, his family. Our kids came to us in the throes of grief, as well they should. Please don’t make them smile and lie to you about how happy they are to be here.
6. Please do not disappear. If I thought the waiting stage was hard, it does not even hold the barest candle to what comes after the airport. Not. The. Barest. Candle. Never have I felt so isolated and petrified. Never have I been so overwhelmed and exhausted. We need you after the airport way more than we ever needed you before. I know you’re scared of us, what with our dirty hair and wild eyes and mystery children we’re keeping behind closed doors so they don’t freak out more than they already have, but please find ways to stick around. Call. Email. Check in. Post on our Facebook walls. Send us funny cards. Keep this behavior up for longer than six days.
Here’s what we would love to hear or experience After the Airport:
1. Cook for your friends. Put together a meal calendar and recruit every person who even remotely cares about them. We didn’t cook dinners for one solid month, and folks, that may have single handedly saved my sanity. There simply are not words to describe how exhausting and overwhelming those first few weeks are, not to mention the lovely jetlag everyone came home with. And if your friends adopted domestically right up the street, this is all still true, minus the jetlag.
2. If we have them, offer to take our biological kids for an adventure or sleepover. Please believe me: their lives just got WHACKED OUT, and they need a break, but their parents can’t give them one because they are 1.) cleaning up pee and poop all day, 2.) holding screaming children, 3.) spending all their time at doctors’ offices, and 4.) falling asleep in their clothes at 8:15pm. Plus, they are in lockdown mode with the recently adopted, trying to shield them from the trauma that is Walmart.
3. Thank you for getting excited with us over our little victories. I realize it sounds like a very small deal when we tell you our kindergartener is now staying in the same room as the dog, but if you could’ve seen the epic level of freakoutedness this dog caused her for three weeks, you would understand that this is really something. When you encourage us over our incremental progress, it helps. You remind us that we ARE moving forward and these little moments are worth celebrating. If we come to you spazzing out, please remind us where we were a month ago. Force us to acknowledge their gains. Be a cheerleader for the healing process.
4. Come over one night after our kids are asleep and sit with us on our porch. Let me tell you: we are all lonely in those early weeks. We are home, home, home, home, home. Good-bye, date nights. Good-bye, GNO’s. Good-bye, spontaneous anything. Good-bye, church. Good-bye, big public outings. Good-bye, community group. Good-bye, nightlife. So please bring some community to our doorstep. Bring friendship back into our lives. Bring adult conversation and laughter. And bring an expensive bottle of wine.
5. If the shoe fits, tell adopting families how their story is affecting yours. If God has moved in you over the course of our adoption, whether before the airport or after, if you’ve made a change or a decision, if somewhere deep inside a fire was lit, tell us, because it is spiritual water on dry souls. There is nothing more encouraging than finding out God is using our families for greater kingdom work, beautiful things we would never know or see. We gather the holy moments in our hands every day, praying for eyes to see God’s presence, his purposes realized in our story. When you put more holy moments in our hands to meditate on, we are drawn deeper into the Jesus who led us here.
Here’s one last thing: As you watch us struggle and celebrate and cry and flail, we also want you to know that adoption is beautiful, and a thousand times we’ve looked at each other and said, “What if we would’ve said no?” God invited us into something monumental and lovely, and we would’ve missed endless moments of glory had we walked away. We need you during these difficult months of waiting and transitioning, but we also hope you see that we serve a faithful God who heals and actually sets the lonely in families, just like He said He would. And even through the tears and tantrums (ours), we look at our children and marvel that God counted us worthy to raise them. We are humbled. We’ve been gifted with a very holy task, and when you help us rise to the occasion, you have an inheritance in their story; your name will be counted in their legacy.
Because that day you brought us pulled pork tacos was the exact day I needed to skip dinner prep and hold my son on the couch for an hour, talking about Africa and beginning to bind up his emotional wounds. When you kidnapped me for two hours and took me to breakfast, I was at the very, very, absolute end that morning, but I came home renewed, able to greet my children after school with fresh love and patience. When you loved on my big kids and offered them sanctuary for a night, you kept the family rhythm in sync at the end of a hard week.
Thank you for being the village. You are so important. "
So thankful for all the love and support you all have given and continue to give and so thankful that we know we have so many hearts and arms ready to wrap around us when our sweet girl gets home!
Friday, December 6, 2013
I will and I can because He is.
If you haven't seen our news yet then here is the big announcement: We got our TA yesterday! It was another long, emotional three week wait to get it. That is about the longest people have to wait for their TA so it was not fun to have to be on that side of the scale. I thought we would be overjoyed when we finally got the news but that great news got over shadowed by the devastating news that our agency was not going to work with us to get us out next week like we had planned. We know that it is possible for people to get their TA's and leave the next week. People have gotten TA's this Monday and left yesterday. For whatever reason though, our agency is now telling us that that is not possible- that the provinces can not get the paperwork together that quickly and that we are going to have to wait an extra week to go. It was like a punch in the gut that knocks the wind right out of you and we are still trying to catch our breath. If I am being honest with you, I have vacillated between not being able to stop crying at the thought of missing yet another week with my little girl to being royally ticked off with our agencies unwillingness to help make things work.
Well, it is just one more week, right? Yes. That is true. I know that once we have her and are home then we probably won't even remember that it took us one week longer to get to her but it is frustrating. It is frustrating that air fare is going to be TWICE as much as if we left next week because of the holidays. It is frustrating that we are going to have to miss two holidays with our other littles instead of just one. It is frustrating that we are missing another week with our daughter who is by now back to the orphanage with people that she doesn't know and is already experiencing the loss and confusion of losing her foster family. And it is frustrating that it seems like we could go next week if only our agency was willing to try.
Through all the anger and frustration and sadness I have been feeling though, I have heard the whispers of the Lord breaking through. He is asking me if I still trust Him when nothing about this timing makes sense. Do I trust that He is still good and still leading the way if it looks different than I think it should. Do I trust that it is still His will even if it requires more discomfort or sacrifice than I would like? Will I trust that even when I pray big prayers and ask for miracles that He chooses to answer in a different way that He is still sovereign and holds the world in His hands. Will I hold onto my anger and miss out on my joy?
I have been praying for years for God's timing in our adoption. It has stretched me and grown me in ways I could not have imagined. So often I have felt like a lost little girl that doesn't know what way to go but knows that she can trust her Abba Father to lead even when she is scared to take another step. I have trusted God to set the path even when it made no sense- like closing our domestic profile when we were so close to getting a placement only to start all over again in China. And yet here we are. Leaving in two weeks to bring home this precious little girl that the Lord is blessing us with. If we have been obedient in following God's leading and praying for His timing then how can I question it now? He has not changed. He is not any less faithful or good.
I have also been praying that God would use me and our family through this adoption process for His glory. I have had images of Him answering big prayers in miraculous ways and us being able to shout His praises to all the world. But do you know what I am hearing? I hear God challenging me to bring Him glory by being faithful in struggle. By choosing to see that He doesn't change even if my emotions do. Will I choose to humble myself in trust of Him and praise Him when I don't understand the way He is working? Can I tell people that my God is big enough and good enough that if I don't see the full picture of why He might be answering a certain way that I know without a doubt that His reasons are still for my good?
The answer to those questions, my friends, is yes. I will and I can because He is. I can now count down the days until I hold my little girl. This is my last 'wait' and there is a definite end in sight. No more waiting to get to the next wait to get to the next wait. Just waiting to get on a plane on the 19th of December to fly across the world to bring my little girl home forever. And we will be rejoicing, "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness"!!!!
Thank you all so much for the ways that you have come alongside of us in this journey. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement and love. The best is yet to come... SOON! :) Stay tuned for more details!
Well, it is just one more week, right? Yes. That is true. I know that once we have her and are home then we probably won't even remember that it took us one week longer to get to her but it is frustrating. It is frustrating that air fare is going to be TWICE as much as if we left next week because of the holidays. It is frustrating that we are going to have to miss two holidays with our other littles instead of just one. It is frustrating that we are missing another week with our daughter who is by now back to the orphanage with people that she doesn't know and is already experiencing the loss and confusion of losing her foster family. And it is frustrating that it seems like we could go next week if only our agency was willing to try.
Through all the anger and frustration and sadness I have been feeling though, I have heard the whispers of the Lord breaking through. He is asking me if I still trust Him when nothing about this timing makes sense. Do I trust that He is still good and still leading the way if it looks different than I think it should. Do I trust that it is still His will even if it requires more discomfort or sacrifice than I would like? Will I trust that even when I pray big prayers and ask for miracles that He chooses to answer in a different way that He is still sovereign and holds the world in His hands. Will I hold onto my anger and miss out on my joy?
I have been praying for years for God's timing in our adoption. It has stretched me and grown me in ways I could not have imagined. So often I have felt like a lost little girl that doesn't know what way to go but knows that she can trust her Abba Father to lead even when she is scared to take another step. I have trusted God to set the path even when it made no sense- like closing our domestic profile when we were so close to getting a placement only to start all over again in China. And yet here we are. Leaving in two weeks to bring home this precious little girl that the Lord is blessing us with. If we have been obedient in following God's leading and praying for His timing then how can I question it now? He has not changed. He is not any less faithful or good.
I have also been praying that God would use me and our family through this adoption process for His glory. I have had images of Him answering big prayers in miraculous ways and us being able to shout His praises to all the world. But do you know what I am hearing? I hear God challenging me to bring Him glory by being faithful in struggle. By choosing to see that He doesn't change even if my emotions do. Will I choose to humble myself in trust of Him and praise Him when I don't understand the way He is working? Can I tell people that my God is big enough and good enough that if I don't see the full picture of why He might be answering a certain way that I know without a doubt that His reasons are still for my good?
The answer to those questions, my friends, is yes. I will and I can because He is. I can now count down the days until I hold my little girl. This is my last 'wait' and there is a definite end in sight. No more waiting to get to the next wait to get to the next wait. Just waiting to get on a plane on the 19th of December to fly across the world to bring my little girl home forever. And we will be rejoicing, "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness"!!!!
Thank you all so much for the ways that you have come alongside of us in this journey. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement and love. The best is yet to come... SOON! :) Stay tuned for more details!
Friday, November 8, 2013
"Is anything too hard for me?"
I haven't really been posting very consistently. The biggest reason for this? On any given day, my thoughts and emotions are so all over the place that by the time I would be able to finish the blog post, they would have changed so many times that you all would probably be ready to have me evaluated for schizophrenia. Seriously. It is not pretty inside an adopting momma's heart and brain. ;)
However, as we are nearing the finish line, I thought I would give you an update and invite you to join us in praying over these last few steps. :)
Right now, we are waiting for our Article 5 to be picked up which is a two week process. The Art 5 is basically visa information so that Ellie will be able to come home at the end of our trip. We are a week into that wait. Our Art 5 is scheduled to be picked up on the 14th. From there it is forwarded on and we will just be waiting for China to issue our TA (travel approval). This is our formal invitation to come to China! Once we have this in hand, our agency can call to schedule our Consulate Appointment that happens at the end of our trip and then we book our tickets!!!! (This happens in just the day or two after our TA comes).
TA 'normally' takes 2-3 weeks. Like most of our experience with this adoption, there is no real rhyme or reason for how things actually end up going with timing. Right now, we are SERIOUSLY praying for our TA to come before Thanksgiving and for us to be able to get a CA the week before Christmas so that we can leave on December 5th. There are several reasons for this. First of all, we are just plain tired of waiting. We want our baby girl home and we don't want to wait another week. Second, we really, really, REALLY want to be together for Christmas. If we leave later than the 5th then we will still be in China during Christmas and will be missing our other two littles like crazy! Thirdly, ticket prices jump significantly between the 5th and the 12th (with the way appointments and such work out, we will fly out on a Thursday whenever we go). We are talking at LEAST $600 or $700 a ticket! Ouch. Soooo, we are praying for a little miracle for our family. :)
The other thing that we are REALLY praying for is that friends of ours will receive the same miracle. They are on the same timeline as us to bring their little girl home and are from Grand Rapids as well. I have been praying for some time now that we would be able to travel with someone or at least meet someone while we were there that we could connect with that will be going through the same experience as us. Well, just a couple of weeks ago, our agency connected us with these very people. :) We have been on the same timeline since receiving our LOA on the very same day and it has been such a blessing to walk through these last steps with them. Jodi and I have fussed over all the little details of paperwork and process together and we have been able to share the roller coaster of emotions and encourage each other to hang in there. :) Their Art 5 pick up is a couple of days behind ours but we are hoping to get our TA at the same time. If we can go at the same time, we would be able to spend the second week, after we have our girls, together in Guangzhou. What a blessing it would be to have that support from each other on the other side of the world!
So the reality is, we are getting close. Though I have to admit that most days it feels like it is still so far away. It turns out, four weeks feels about the same as six. The closer we get, the more time seems to stretch out and slow down. The wait for our Art 5 is seeming to take forever and I imagine that when we begin our TA wait, time will slow down even more. The closer we get, the more desperate I am to just go. I don't want to wait anymore. I am trying to remind myself that within a month, I should finally know when I am going to hold my little girl for the first time. I am trying to remind myself that I don't want to miss out on these last few weeks with my little family as we know it. I am trying to remind myself that the time will indeed pass and before I know it, I am probably going to be freaking out because we are leaving in a matter of days.
I don't want to miss out on this time now, but I don't want to miss out on another second of my daughter's life either. It is a strange paradox to live in, this adoption world.
Please, pray for us? Pray for my sanity! Pray for our hearts to be prepared for however life is about to change. Pray for patience and trust in God's timing. Pray for finances to continue to work out as the bulk of the expenses come to a head. Pray for God to show us His favor in bringing TA quickly. And please, pray for our little girl. We are so excited to be able to bring her home but these next couple of months are going to mean so much loss and confusion and fear for her. I just want to be able to love her and help her grieve and adjust the best that we can.
Like I said on FB, I hope that you will join us in sending up a deafening chorus of prayers to God asking Him to move on our behalf. There is so much power in prayer and we are asking for yours!
"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" Jer 32:27
However, as we are nearing the finish line, I thought I would give you an update and invite you to join us in praying over these last few steps. :)
Right now, we are waiting for our Article 5 to be picked up which is a two week process. The Art 5 is basically visa information so that Ellie will be able to come home at the end of our trip. We are a week into that wait. Our Art 5 is scheduled to be picked up on the 14th. From there it is forwarded on and we will just be waiting for China to issue our TA (travel approval). This is our formal invitation to come to China! Once we have this in hand, our agency can call to schedule our Consulate Appointment that happens at the end of our trip and then we book our tickets!!!! (This happens in just the day or two after our TA comes).
TA 'normally' takes 2-3 weeks. Like most of our experience with this adoption, there is no real rhyme or reason for how things actually end up going with timing. Right now, we are SERIOUSLY praying for our TA to come before Thanksgiving and for us to be able to get a CA the week before Christmas so that we can leave on December 5th. There are several reasons for this. First of all, we are just plain tired of waiting. We want our baby girl home and we don't want to wait another week. Second, we really, really, REALLY want to be together for Christmas. If we leave later than the 5th then we will still be in China during Christmas and will be missing our other two littles like crazy! Thirdly, ticket prices jump significantly between the 5th and the 12th (with the way appointments and such work out, we will fly out on a Thursday whenever we go). We are talking at LEAST $600 or $700 a ticket! Ouch. Soooo, we are praying for a little miracle for our family. :)
The other thing that we are REALLY praying for is that friends of ours will receive the same miracle. They are on the same timeline as us to bring their little girl home and are from Grand Rapids as well. I have been praying for some time now that we would be able to travel with someone or at least meet someone while we were there that we could connect with that will be going through the same experience as us. Well, just a couple of weeks ago, our agency connected us with these very people. :) We have been on the same timeline since receiving our LOA on the very same day and it has been such a blessing to walk through these last steps with them. Jodi and I have fussed over all the little details of paperwork and process together and we have been able to share the roller coaster of emotions and encourage each other to hang in there. :) Their Art 5 pick up is a couple of days behind ours but we are hoping to get our TA at the same time. If we can go at the same time, we would be able to spend the second week, after we have our girls, together in Guangzhou. What a blessing it would be to have that support from each other on the other side of the world!
So the reality is, we are getting close. Though I have to admit that most days it feels like it is still so far away. It turns out, four weeks feels about the same as six. The closer we get, the more time seems to stretch out and slow down. The wait for our Art 5 is seeming to take forever and I imagine that when we begin our TA wait, time will slow down even more. The closer we get, the more desperate I am to just go. I don't want to wait anymore. I am trying to remind myself that within a month, I should finally know when I am going to hold my little girl for the first time. I am trying to remind myself that I don't want to miss out on these last few weeks with my little family as we know it. I am trying to remind myself that the time will indeed pass and before I know it, I am probably going to be freaking out because we are leaving in a matter of days.
I don't want to miss out on this time now, but I don't want to miss out on another second of my daughter's life either. It is a strange paradox to live in, this adoption world.
Please, pray for us? Pray for my sanity! Pray for our hearts to be prepared for however life is about to change. Pray for patience and trust in God's timing. Pray for finances to continue to work out as the bulk of the expenses come to a head. Pray for God to show us His favor in bringing TA quickly. And please, pray for our little girl. We are so excited to be able to bring her home but these next couple of months are going to mean so much loss and confusion and fear for her. I just want to be able to love her and help her grieve and adjust the best that we can.
Like I said on FB, I hope that you will join us in sending up a deafening chorus of prayers to God asking Him to move on our behalf. There is so much power in prayer and we are asking for yours!
"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" Jer 32:27
Friday, October 4, 2013
In His timing...
As many of you know from me blasting the good news on FB, we got our LOA this week!!!! The crazy part about it is that after waiting 81 days, God decided to have it come through in a week that it 'shouldn't' have. We had prepared ourselves the week before to not expect any progress to be made this week because it is a holiday week in China. The legal holidays were on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday but I am sure it is much like our Christmas time where the whole week is pretty much shot for hoping to get anything done.
I was very disappointed when I found out about the holiday week because from what I had heard, all we were waiting on the previous week was a signature from the department director so that our LOA could be issued. I was feeling very frustrated on Friday when nothing came through and I knew we were going to have to wait the week out waiting only for the signature. Though I was trying to give it all over to God and trust Him in His timing, I couldn't help but send up a quiet prayer that He would work a little miracle and somehow have it come through this week. When Monday came and went and there wasn't any word, I figured we would for sure be waiting until next week.
On Tuesday Sis had a field trip with her preschool class and as I was helping the kids get through the line at the potty before we left, my phone started ringing and I saw that it was from the agency. Well, any time the agency calls you can't help but jump and I ran outside to call them back. At first I couldn't get a hold of our contact there but finally I got through to her and she told me that somehow our status had been changed online and our LOA had been issued. My heart just about burst! You could actually hear the surprise in her voice that it had come through this week. She said that we would have to wait it out to see if they had actually got it in the mail on Monday before the holiday as well. We could see it as early as Friday if we were lucky but otherwise, it would be next week after the holiday. It wasn't in my hands yet but it was coming! I was so excited and so praising God for His faithfulness.
Well, then God wasn't done showing off and not only did the LOA come this week, but it was here a day earlier than it 'should' have been. :) Once again, I got a phone call from the contact at the agency with surprise in her voice again that it was here. Oh happy day! I drove all the way over to the agency that day just so I could have it in my hands. We could check the box and sign our names to formally accept the referral of our sweet little Chen Jiao. :)
As I reflect on what God did this week, I am humbled by how intentionally He chooses to speak to us at times. God could have brought that little piece of paper to us at anytime in the last 81 days. It has been SUCH a long, heart-wearying process. If I am totally honest with you, there have been times that my heart started doubting that God was in control of it all. It felt like we were at the whim of imperfect processes and paperwork. What was our life and child at stake in our minds was just a job to someone else across the ocean. I can't tell you how thankful I am of God's gentle but powerful reminders to the contrary. Whether it was rainbows to remind me that God is always faithful to His promises or verses of scripture that spoke straight to my heart, He always knew when I most needed to hear from Him. What God did this week is just another reminder of how intimately involved He is and how much He wants us to be aware of it- of Him. Like I said, He could have sent it any time. But instead, He waited until a week that as far as the process and the people involved go, it 'should' not have happened. And then, not only did it come this week but it came EARLY this week. A poignant reminder that He is, in fact, powerful over the process and is leading the way. It is in HIS timing. Not my timing. Not China's timing. Not in the U.S.'s timing. His.
We still have several more steps to go before we leave for China. Now we are waiting for our request for her immigration to be approved. That 'should' take about 3 weeks. Then there is a week's wait for the approval to be 'cabled' to China. Another 2 weeks for her visa to be sorted out. Then we will be waiting for our Travel Approval (TA) which is a formal invitation from China to come and get her. :) This usually takes 2-3 wks. Once we have that, our agency can schedule our Consulate Appointment (CA) and based on when that appointment is, we schedule our trip (usually set for about two weeks after TA). Thankfully, all the steps from here have shorter wait times and will hopefully feel much more like 'active waiting'.
I can't say that in the next several months I won't get caught up in the waiting and longing and craziness of paperwork and red tape. I can't say that I won't slip into doubts and fears and worries. I can't say that I won't cry out to God to make the time go faster. But what I can say is this. My God is faithful. My God is good. And in His timing, we will be face to face with a little girl who has rooted herself into the depths of my heart long before I ever held her in my arms.
I was very disappointed when I found out about the holiday week because from what I had heard, all we were waiting on the previous week was a signature from the department director so that our LOA could be issued. I was feeling very frustrated on Friday when nothing came through and I knew we were going to have to wait the week out waiting only for the signature. Though I was trying to give it all over to God and trust Him in His timing, I couldn't help but send up a quiet prayer that He would work a little miracle and somehow have it come through this week. When Monday came and went and there wasn't any word, I figured we would for sure be waiting until next week.
On Tuesday Sis had a field trip with her preschool class and as I was helping the kids get through the line at the potty before we left, my phone started ringing and I saw that it was from the agency. Well, any time the agency calls you can't help but jump and I ran outside to call them back. At first I couldn't get a hold of our contact there but finally I got through to her and she told me that somehow our status had been changed online and our LOA had been issued. My heart just about burst! You could actually hear the surprise in her voice that it had come through this week. She said that we would have to wait it out to see if they had actually got it in the mail on Monday before the holiday as well. We could see it as early as Friday if we were lucky but otherwise, it would be next week after the holiday. It wasn't in my hands yet but it was coming! I was so excited and so praising God for His faithfulness.
Well, then God wasn't done showing off and not only did the LOA come this week, but it was here a day earlier than it 'should' have been. :) Once again, I got a phone call from the contact at the agency with surprise in her voice again that it was here. Oh happy day! I drove all the way over to the agency that day just so I could have it in my hands. We could check the box and sign our names to formally accept the referral of our sweet little Chen Jiao. :)
As I reflect on what God did this week, I am humbled by how intentionally He chooses to speak to us at times. God could have brought that little piece of paper to us at anytime in the last 81 days. It has been SUCH a long, heart-wearying process. If I am totally honest with you, there have been times that my heart started doubting that God was in control of it all. It felt like we were at the whim of imperfect processes and paperwork. What was our life and child at stake in our minds was just a job to someone else across the ocean. I can't tell you how thankful I am of God's gentle but powerful reminders to the contrary. Whether it was rainbows to remind me that God is always faithful to His promises or verses of scripture that spoke straight to my heart, He always knew when I most needed to hear from Him. What God did this week is just another reminder of how intimately involved He is and how much He wants us to be aware of it- of Him. Like I said, He could have sent it any time. But instead, He waited until a week that as far as the process and the people involved go, it 'should' not have happened. And then, not only did it come this week but it came EARLY this week. A poignant reminder that He is, in fact, powerful over the process and is leading the way. It is in HIS timing. Not my timing. Not China's timing. Not in the U.S.'s timing. His.
We still have several more steps to go before we leave for China. Now we are waiting for our request for her immigration to be approved. That 'should' take about 3 weeks. Then there is a week's wait for the approval to be 'cabled' to China. Another 2 weeks for her visa to be sorted out. Then we will be waiting for our Travel Approval (TA) which is a formal invitation from China to come and get her. :) This usually takes 2-3 wks. Once we have that, our agency can schedule our Consulate Appointment (CA) and based on when that appointment is, we schedule our trip (usually set for about two weeks after TA). Thankfully, all the steps from here have shorter wait times and will hopefully feel much more like 'active waiting'.
I can't say that in the next several months I won't get caught up in the waiting and longing and craziness of paperwork and red tape. I can't say that I won't slip into doubts and fears and worries. I can't say that I won't cry out to God to make the time go faster. But what I can say is this. My God is faithful. My God is good. And in His timing, we will be face to face with a little girl who has rooted herself into the depths of my heart long before I ever held her in my arms.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Another month gone by
Sunday marks one month since we have gotten to see our little girl's sweet face. It still feels so surreal to know that we have a daughter on the opposite side of the world that has no idea about the family longing to bring her home. And, oh, how I long to.
The first couple of weeks went by with me floating on a cloud of joy. Sure, I could feel the enemy pressing in at times attempting to 'kill, steal and destroy" my joy, but in the wake of such glorious news, it was easy to fight it off and bask in the glow of the image of her sweet little face. I would look at her picture a hundred times a day just trying to get myself to believe that it was real. That we had finally been matched and that we were finally starting the end of the journey of bringing her home.
I have to admit though, that as the weeks have slipped by, it is getting harder again. I am just so weary of waiting. Every fiber of my being wants to climb aboard a plane and travel across the world to my little girl. I feel incomplete. I feel like a part of me is missing and it is. She is not home yet. I can not hold her and kiss her and see her smile or hear her laugh. Looking at her picture is becoming painful because it is just that- a picture.
I know that there is a high likely hood that the couple of months after she is home is going to be a whirlwind of all kinds of craziness but I am ready for it. I am tired of imaging what it might be like when we first meet her or how our first couple of weeks in China with her will go. Will she warm up to us quickly? Will we be able to figure each other out easily or will we struggle? Will the kids actually be happy to have her home or will it be much more than they were expecting? Will she be able to adjust to being 'home' when it doesn't feel like home? I don't and can't know the answers to the millions of questions that run through my head every single day. I read blogs to try to get an idea of how things might go but that isn't our story. It is different for everyone and I am starting to make myself crazy with the wondering.
I thought that when we had that picture of her it would make things easier- Just to know that she was real and that we were finally moving towards her- and it has in a lot of ways. But in other ways, it has seemed to make time go even slower. My arms almost physically ache some days to be able to hold her. I do not have any pictures of what her little face looks like when it lights up with a smile and I long to know. Does her nose crinkle? Do her eyes all but disappear? Can she not help but to giggle? Or is she more stoic?
Worst of all, is that we are still waiting for our LOA (Letter of Approval) which is basically the official word from China that we can adopt her. It hasn't been an out of the ordinary amount of time but a month has felt plenty long, especially when waiting to make sure that even though we have fully made her ours in our heart, we will have permission from China to make it legal. After we get our LOA which is generally the last major unpredictable wait time for paperwork turnaround, they say it is downhill from there. There will still be a couple of months wait from there but it is one step closer and the other things should fall into place a little quicker. And most importantly we will know that we are approved to make her our own.
Will you pray for me? Will you pray for my heart to not get discouraged in the wait. (Can I just tell you that at this point the word "wait" makes me internally cringe.) Will you pray that things will continue moving and we will see the light at the end of the tunnel? Will you pray for our little girl to be healthy and happy as she unknowingly waits for her mama and baba to come for her? Will you pray that my heart will find peace in God's timing and will remember to celebrate the blessings along the way? And will you pray that I will be able to resist the temptation of sneaking aboard a plane headed for China? :)
The first couple of weeks went by with me floating on a cloud of joy. Sure, I could feel the enemy pressing in at times attempting to 'kill, steal and destroy" my joy, but in the wake of such glorious news, it was easy to fight it off and bask in the glow of the image of her sweet little face. I would look at her picture a hundred times a day just trying to get myself to believe that it was real. That we had finally been matched and that we were finally starting the end of the journey of bringing her home.
I have to admit though, that as the weeks have slipped by, it is getting harder again. I am just so weary of waiting. Every fiber of my being wants to climb aboard a plane and travel across the world to my little girl. I feel incomplete. I feel like a part of me is missing and it is. She is not home yet. I can not hold her and kiss her and see her smile or hear her laugh. Looking at her picture is becoming painful because it is just that- a picture.
I know that there is a high likely hood that the couple of months after she is home is going to be a whirlwind of all kinds of craziness but I am ready for it. I am tired of imaging what it might be like when we first meet her or how our first couple of weeks in China with her will go. Will she warm up to us quickly? Will we be able to figure each other out easily or will we struggle? Will the kids actually be happy to have her home or will it be much more than they were expecting? Will she be able to adjust to being 'home' when it doesn't feel like home? I don't and can't know the answers to the millions of questions that run through my head every single day. I read blogs to try to get an idea of how things might go but that isn't our story. It is different for everyone and I am starting to make myself crazy with the wondering.
I thought that when we had that picture of her it would make things easier- Just to know that she was real and that we were finally moving towards her- and it has in a lot of ways. But in other ways, it has seemed to make time go even slower. My arms almost physically ache some days to be able to hold her. I do not have any pictures of what her little face looks like when it lights up with a smile and I long to know. Does her nose crinkle? Do her eyes all but disappear? Can she not help but to giggle? Or is she more stoic?
Worst of all, is that we are still waiting for our LOA (Letter of Approval) which is basically the official word from China that we can adopt her. It hasn't been an out of the ordinary amount of time but a month has felt plenty long, especially when waiting to make sure that even though we have fully made her ours in our heart, we will have permission from China to make it legal. After we get our LOA which is generally the last major unpredictable wait time for paperwork turnaround, they say it is downhill from there. There will still be a couple of months wait from there but it is one step closer and the other things should fall into place a little quicker. And most importantly we will know that we are approved to make her our own.
Will you pray for me? Will you pray for my heart to not get discouraged in the wait. (Can I just tell you that at this point the word "wait" makes me internally cringe.) Will you pray that things will continue moving and we will see the light at the end of the tunnel? Will you pray for our little girl to be healthy and happy as she unknowingly waits for her mama and baba to come for her? Will you pray that my heart will find peace in God's timing and will remember to celebrate the blessings along the way? And will you pray that I will be able to resist the temptation of sneaking aboard a plane headed for China? :)
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