I will and I can because He is.

If you haven't seen our news yet then here is the big announcement:  We got our TA yesterday!  It was another long, emotional three week wait to get it.  That is about the longest people have to wait for their TA so it was not fun to have to be on that side of the scale.  I thought we would be overjoyed when we finally got the news but that great news got over shadowed by the devastating news that our agency was not going to work with us to get us out next week like we had planned.  We know that it is possible for people to get their TA's and leave the next week.  People have gotten TA's this Monday and left yesterday.  For whatever reason though, our agency is now telling us that that is not possible- that the provinces can not get the paperwork together that quickly and that we are going to have to wait an extra week to go.  It was like a punch in the gut that knocks the wind right out of you and we are still trying to catch our breath. If I am being honest with you, I have vacillated between not being able to stop crying at the thought of missing yet another week with my little girl to being royally ticked off with our agencies unwillingness to help make things work.

Well, it is just one more week, right?  Yes.  That is true.  I know that once we have her and are home then we probably won't even remember that it took us one week longer to get to her but it is frustrating.  It is frustrating that air fare is going to be TWICE as much as if we left next week because of the holidays. It is frustrating that we are going to have to miss two holidays with our other littles instead of just one.  It is frustrating that we are missing another week with our daughter who is by now back to the orphanage with people that she doesn't know and is already experiencing the loss and confusion of losing her foster family.  And it is frustrating that it seems like we could go next week if only our agency was willing to try.

Through all the anger and frustration and sadness I have been feeling though, I have heard the whispers of the Lord breaking through. He is asking me if I still trust Him when nothing about this timing makes sense.  Do I trust that He is still good and still leading the way if it looks different than I think it should.  Do I trust that it is still His will even if it requires more discomfort or sacrifice than I would like?  Will I trust that even when I pray big prayers and ask for miracles that He chooses to answer in a different way that He is still sovereign and holds the world in His hands.  Will I hold onto my anger and miss out on my joy?

I have been praying for years for God's timing in our adoption.  It has stretched me and grown me in ways I could not have imagined.  So often I have felt like a lost little girl that doesn't know what way to go but knows that she can trust her Abba Father to lead even when she is scared to take another step.  I have trusted God to set the path even when it made no sense- like closing our domestic profile when we were so close to getting a placement only to start all over again in China.  And yet here we are. Leaving in two weeks to bring home this precious little girl that the Lord is blessing us with.  If we have been obedient in following God's leading and praying for His timing then how can I question it now?  He has not changed.  He is not any less faithful or good.

I have also been praying that God would use me and our family through this adoption process for His glory.  I have had images of Him answering big prayers in miraculous ways and us being able to shout His praises to all the world.  But do you know what I am hearing?  I hear God challenging me to bring Him glory by being faithful in struggle.  By choosing to see that He doesn't change even if my emotions do.  Will I choose to humble myself in trust of Him and praise Him when I don't understand the way He is working?  Can I tell people that my God is big enough and good enough that if I don't see the full picture of why He might be answering a certain way that I know without a doubt that His reasons are still for my good?

The answer to those questions, my friends, is yes. I will and I can because He is.  I can now count down the days until I hold my little girl.  This is my last 'wait' and there is a definite end in sight.  No more waiting to get to the next wait to get to the next wait.  Just waiting to get on a plane on the 19th of December to fly across the world to bring my little girl home forever.  And we will be rejoicing, "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness"!!!!

Thank you all so much for the ways that you have come alongside of us in this journey.  Thank you for your prayers and encouragement and love.  The best is yet to come... SOON!  :)  Stay tuned for more details!