'Little by little...'

So, I am not really convinced that I am a blogger or that I am interesting or witty enough to do this thing but I am going to give it a shot. :)   At least for now.  Mostly I just want to be able to share our journey towards our little one with those that we love and that love us and that have been supporting us along the way.  So where to start?

Honestly, it goes back to the day of pig tails and dress up for me.  Even at a tender young age, God planted a seed in my heart for adoption.  I am not really sure how I came across the idea or even the reality of the plight of the orphan outside of the Lord gently whispering to my heart.  I used to tell my mom that I wasn’t going to have any kids of my own because there were so many kids out there that already needed mommy’s and daddy’s.  I was just going to adopt some of them.  (Granted, I also told her that I was going to buy my husband at the grocery store...but this adoption thing was much more profound ;) ).  I am so thankful that I was given the blessing of having my two kiddos but I am also so excited that a desire and dream that God gave me so long ago is coming true.  It feels so very surreal most of the time but it is happening.  Soon I am going to see the sweet little face of a daughter that my heart has longed for but I have yet to know a single actual detail about.  And then I will fly half way around the world in what I can only imagine will be the craziest whirl of emotions I have ever known, so that I can finally hold her and snuggle her and simultaneously mourn for what she has lost in her birth family and rejoice that we get to be part of her story of redemption.  I am thankful for a husband who has supported and shared this dream of mine and for a faithful God that is bringing my heart’s desire to fruition!

So, what has the actual process looked like for us so far and how have we gotten to this point?  Well, to make a very long and emotionally complicated story shortish…

About two and a half years ago, we were at the point that (for the sake of public blogging privacy we will call her Sis) Sis was old enough that we started talking about the next kiddo.  M wasn’t too sure that he wanted more than three and I knew without a doubt that I wanted to adopt so I figured we better make two phone calls.  One to the Dr to set up an appt for M ;) and one to the adoption agency.  We began our journey moving towards an international adoption from Ethiopia.  We actually went to the informational meeting with friends of ours that have since brought home their two sweet boys.  J  After getting some information and being about ready to commit to the program, Ethiopia hit some bumps in their adoption program and we didn’t feel comfortable moving forward with it at that time.  So began the next leg of our journey of looking into what options were open to us.  Pretty much all of the other international programs were marked off the list for various reasons- length of time in country, length of referral time, not meeting certain criteria etc.   After a lot of research and prayer, we decided to pursue the domestic infant program.  We did the required education, home study, and meetings and eventually put our profile for potential birth mothers to look at together and then began our wait.  A year after we had completed our home study and about nine months of waiting with an active profile we had been viewed by several birth mothers but not chosen.  We had to begin the process of renewing our home study at that point.  During the process, we were praying through it all and eventually felt like we were questioning whether or not we were ‘needed’ in that program.  Our hearts had always been to fill a need in the adoption world.  Four or five years ago, there was a great need for families to adopt from the African American program.  Things had really been changing though and there was a line of families waiting for a precious little one no matter the color of their skin.  As we were praying through all this, God brought up the idea of China again.  We had been greatly drawn to the Waiting Children program in China two years prior when we were looking through our options but had to rule it out because we were not yet 30 which is a program requirement.  Here we were though, two years later, M now 30 and me about to turn 30 two months from then.  We decided to look through our agencies program online again and wouldn’t you know it, at the top of the page in bright red letters were the words, “Families needed in this program!’.  Um, ok God.  We hear you.  It only took us the weekend to know we needed to do what seemed crazy (completely crazy to me who had been patiently (ok, impatiently) waiting for a baby that we would most likely have been matched with in a matter of months at that point).  We needed to close our domestic profile and start the process of switching everything over to be compliant with the China Special Needs program.  That was back in November and here we are at the beginning of April and waiting to hear word (tomorrow I am hoping!) that our dossier has been sent to China.  If we can get logged into their system in time, we will get matched at the end of this month and be receiving the most important email of our lives- A picture and information about our sweet little girl that we have been waiting and praying for for oh so long now.  I can barely keep my heart from beating out of my chest when I think about that email.  Ahhh! 

We can’t thank all of you enough who have been on this journey with us for the support and love you have given us that have gotten us to this point.  It has been such a crazy journey with unexpected twists and turns but God has grown us and stretched us in such good ways.  He is like that, you know.  We want what we want when we want it and yet He knows…  He knows when it is time.  He knows what it looks like and what is right and how it will happen if only we will trust.  Trust Him.  Trust His timing. Trust His faithfulness.  Trust His goodness.  I can’t help but think of something that God showed me through Exodus during this time of waiting.  He is talking to the nation of Israel and promising them that He is sending an angel out ahead of them to guard them along the way and to bring them to the place that He has prepared for them.  He promises that He is going to drive out the nations of the land that He is giving to them but then He tells them, “But I will not drive them out in a single year, because the land would become desolate and the wild animals too numerous for you.  Little by little, I will drive them out before you, until you have increased enough to take possession of the land”. (Exodus 23: 29-30)  God knows us.  He knows what work we need done in our hearts before we are fully ready to receive the blessing He has prepared for us.  These past several years have made my heart weary of waiting and not knowing and yet they have been rich in growing my trust of God’s timing and goodness and faithfulness.  He has spoken truth and encouragement over me time and time again just when I needed it.  He has grown my faith in prayer as I have watched M’s heart being drawn into desiring and being ready for the adoption as much as I am (ok, maybe not as much as this crazy momma but waaaay more than he has been in the past).  And He has grown my ability to trust Him with the unknown and the uncontrollable and the uncomfortable.  Some spiritual disciplines and skills that I might very will need once we get Baby Girl home.  ‘Little by little’ He has been preparing our hearts to take possession of this priceless gift.  ‘Little by little’ He has been increasing us in ways that we would have been lacking if we hadn’t allowed the time for it.  “Little by little”…we are here.